22.5.20 Asking the Big Questions

Good afternoon everyone and as this term draws to a close in the School of Daddy, we have realised that the children's religious education has been a little overlooked. So, in order to remedy the matter, we have combined RE with a little field trip up above. After their rapture, the children will be able to conduct some first class research as they consult directly with primary sources of evidence and ask the big questions like how is water turned in to wine and why was there no room made for the Dinosaurs on the Ark. I hope you all have a nice half term break and hopefully the children will have rematerialised in time for school the week after next.

21.5.20 Goodbye and Thanks For All the Fish

Good morning everybody. Today's lesson started off with a little hook in the form of some song lyrics - bonus points for recognising the song!

It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere,
I'm all alone, more or less.
Let me fly, far away from here,
Fun, fun, fun, In the sun, sun, sun.

The children are now busy researching their ideal holiday destination based on several criteria; Scenic views, peace and quiet, things to do and most importantly either the presence of actual intelligent life or none at all...

20.5.20 Be Kind. Please Rewind.

Good morning once more everybody. Here at the School of Daddy we like to stay abreast of the times and take pride in our innovative curriculum. In these modern times it is imperative to utilise powerful learning tools such as the enchanting, educational BBC Micro computer game, Granny's Garden and the many excellent informational programs that can be found on Betamax. "Look Around You" is certainly one such program that I would recommend. For those of you who are unfortunate enough not to have a big television and videocassette recorder that you can wheel down the corridor to the classroom, I believe you can watch along here while you wait for the copy you have purchased to come thought the post. Write that down in your copybook.

19.5.20 Master of Puppets

Good morning everybody and today we have President Trump to thank for our daily lesson once again. With his mention of WHO and puppets that made the news this morning we were inspired to make our own - not sure what he's got against the long running BBC sci-fi series though. We also weren't clear about the Chinese reference and thought it best to steer clear of the 4th Doctor story, "The Talons of Weng Chiang" as Britbox warns that it contains racial stereotypes and language that might cause offence. Daleks seemed a much safer choice so we have decided to make finger puppets of everyone's favourite genocidal, fascistic mutants 😁

18.5.20 Food for Thought

Good morning everybody and welcome back to the School of Daddy. We'd just like to take a moment and show our support and admiration for our professional colleagues in educational settings everywhere and their courage as reported by the Daily Mail. We really do welcome the entirely reasonable calls for immediately getting children back in to schools that, despite being completely safe, will enable teachers to actually prove their heroism by facing the dangers of infection head on. Keeping children in groups of fifteen, testing them and their parents after they show symptoms and trusting in fanatical bravery will get our schools running again! However, we are aware that our children will need to be prepared to socialise with others outside the family circle once more in the very near future. To that effect we are happy to say that we have eased our own stringent quarantine precautions and the children are now once again allowed access to socialise with their soft toys and imaginary friends. Here we see them celebrating the reunion and brushing up on their manners and etiquette with a splendid indoor tea party!

15.5.20 Rainbow's End

Good morning everybody as another week in the School of Daddy draws to a close. In today's lesson we have been learning how to "unweave the rainbow as it erewhile made" to quote the great Romantic poet Keats, in his poem Lamia. The subject of rainbows has been suggested by the children's Nanna and thanks go to Sue for the inspiration - I'm sure she'll be overjoyed with the results! Not only have we now logged the rainbow "in the dull catalogue of common things" (to quote the great poet Keats once more) by applying the cold and clinical gaze of science, but in the interests of balance, we have also been looking at some of the more fanciful interpretations of this chromatic aberration. The children have been fascinated by stories of rainbows as magical bridges such as Bifrost of Viking legend, connecting Midgard and Asgard - good to know if the current situation does turn out to be the beginning of Ragnarock. Rainbows appear as terrible weapons like the magical rainbow used by Indra, Hindu God of War and Thunder, to rain down lightning bolts on his foes and as a divine sanction of war in the story of Ishtar and Izdubar from the epic of Gilgamesh. The Indigenous Peoples of Australia have an interesting take on rainbows, often depicting them as gigantic and sometimes malevolent serpents that are connected with creation myths - they spread fertility with the rain but sometimes blindness and disease too, whilst the Karen people of Burma considered rainbows to be painted demons that ate children. Some Amazonian cultures blamed rainbows for skin diseases and in the Incan Empire there was a tradition of closing one's mouth to prevent disease if a rainbow was seen - not a bad habit for folk to get in to in these troubled times. And let us not forget the Christian deity who used the rainbow as a bit of an apology for exterminating most of the living things on the planet with the Great Flood. Out of all these extraordinary tales the children's favourite was the old Irish legend of the Leprechaun and his treasure. So much so that they have devised an experiment to see if they can lure one of the Little People in to our humble abode with the rainbow we have created to see if indeed there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

14.5.20 Sulphur the Consequences

Good morning one and all. Yesterday's philosophising certainly taught us one thing - to always live in the moment and as all good teachers know, one should never waste a learning opportunity, especially the unplanned ones! Kipling and his unpredictable digestive system has gifted us with one such opportunity this morning. Thanks to particularly volatile conditions in his intestinal tract, he has been producing large amounts of hydrogen, nitrogen, methane and hydrogen sulfide. As you can see the children have wasted no time in setting up a way of testing how Brownian motion affects the diffusion of these gases. We have accurately measured the distance from the source of the odour to the children's noses and will be recording the time it takes for them to detect the presence of these gases. This will replace the planned physics lesson for today and this afternoon the children will be enjoying an extension activity to test their knowledge of chemistry by investigating what substance they think might be the cause of Kipling's exhaust gases.

13.5.20 Just Getting Sartred

This morning finds us in contemplative mood here at the School of Daddy. Today we are asking the big questions that seem all the more relevant in these strange times. Having studied Nietzsche and Sartre, the children are pondering many of life's age old mysteries and some of its newer ones too; What is life? What is best in life? What is the meaning of life? Can we go out or should we stay inside? If we stay inside and no one sees us, do we exist? Are we free? If we can't see something does it exist and can we be on the lookout for it? Why can we meet other people and not our own estranged family members? Are other people even real? Wish us luck on our quest for meaning through the muddy waters of existentialism, nihilism, solipsism and absurdism and let's all be thankful for the stoicism and clear thinking of the powers that be, who are doing such a good job of steering this ship of fools.

12.5.20 Putting a Brave Face Mask On

Good morning once again everybody! Here at the School of Daddy we pride ourselves in preparing today's youth for the Day After Tomorrow so they won't repeat the mistakes of yesteryear. To that effect we have embarked on a Design Technology project with cross-curricular links to Biology. With new advice on wearing masks in public enclosed spaces where social distancing is not possible, the children have been preparing for this brave new world by designing a range of new and attractive face masks! Some attention has been paid to how they might they be marketed and the children hope the catchy names they have come up with will appeal to those who can (but should not) be working as normal and those who need to (but should not) use public transport. We are proud to present the following collection - descriptions under each photo. Full gas mask drills will be conducted with all the designs once I have made the shed air tight and secured enough bleach and ammonia to ensure the tests are as rigorous as possible.

“Human Cranial Upgrade Serial No. 13409872” - comes with targeting system, emotion inhibitor, iron lung and is 5G and Bluetooth compatible.

The “Doctor’s Orders” - A very flexible and adaptable face covering that can be made as thick or as thin as the levels of virus in your local environment demand - remember stay alert and control that virus! Hat sold separately.

The “Res-beer-ator” - Combines the anti-viral and anti-sobriety properties of large amounts of alcohol. Be protected from both the virus and the dismal reality that surrounds you.

The “Mask-apone” - A cheese cloth and cheese basket based mask. Solid dairy products have never been so good for your health!

The “Pan-demic” - Simple but effective. The addition of boiling water can have a sterilising effect to the facial area as well as providing soothing steam for the lungs. Caution contents may be hot.

The “Bra-vo” - Do your bit to control the virus with this stylish and beautiful mask. No frills? No thanks!

The “Henry-Inhaler” - Ever felt your lungs need a spring clean? Well look no further with this attractive device designed for home use. The powerful vacuum generated by this machine prevents 100% of foreign particles, viruses and airborne gases from reaching your respiratory system!

11.5.20 Saved by the Ball

Good morning everybody and I'm sure you are all as excited as we are about the recent developments regarding the lockdown. The children especially are beside themselves with joy at the prospect of being able "to play sports like golf, basketball, tennis and fishing with members of the same household". To prepare ourselves for the much anticipated re-introduction of these old familial favourites on Wednesday, we have been reacquainting ourselves with the world of Sport! As you can see we aren't hugely well resourced with equipment but the children have done an admirable job of improvising with everyday household objects - necessity is the mother of invention! They have based their new game on an interesting blend of suitably British sports; cricket, tennis, gymnastics, soccer, binge drinking and full contact rugby. Of course, all this fresh air and exercise is particularly timely as we all need to do our patriotic best and stay in tip top physical shape so that we can stay as alert as possible at all times and control that virus!

8.5.20 Zero Worship

Good morning everybody and, having commemorated VE day, we are moving on with our own efforts and toils in the School of Daddy. Today we are contemplating Zeno's dichotomy in a more formal mathematical investigation. The children have been challenged to predict how many times they have to divide an answer to reach zero, if indeed they ever can. As you can see they have begun to test their theories and Katie has already proved her prediction of ten divisions wrong. Harold has some way to go to prove his theory right that you can continue dividing by half infinitely and never reach zero... Should be a nice quiet weekend!

7.5.20 Shave New World

Today our thoughts turn to the future and a world in which lockdown has eased and we can exploit... I mean enable our children to fulfil their potential and succeed in a workplace environment. Harry and Katie have been visiting the careers office this morning and hairdressing has been identified as a potential growth area in a post-Covid economy. As you can see training has already begun and, selfless as I always am when it comes to the education of my children, I have stepped in as a volunteer subject. You may notice Harry has chosen to access the learning module that combines Junior Stylist with elements of Garden Maintenance Operative - diversifying skills is always a wise choice! We have also predicted that Labrador wool could well become a valuable commodity especially with the failure of global markets and are training the children appropriately.

6.5.20 Put to the Zest

Ah happy memories of Cinema - Pearl and Dean, the rumble of Dolby surround and the comforting itch of popcorn crumbs down your shirt. Yes, today at the School of Daddy, we are delving in to the magical world of Film Studies. More immediate than literature and more direct in visual flair and storytelling than music, cinema is a giant amongst the Arts. The children will be watching, discussing and writing about six films especially chosen to suit our theme - bonus points for guessing it and the films we will be featuring! We will also be using a special technique to reinforce the children's learning that also takes it inspiration from cinema and the wonderfully educational Stanley Kubrick film, A Clockwork Orange, based of course on the Anthony Burgess novel of the same name. Quiet please and sit back and enjoy the feature.

5.5.20 Testing your Metal

Another fine morning in the School of Daddy and our attention turns to the study and appreciation of Music. Having assessed the children's prior knowledge and attainment (Katie likes Taylor Swift and Harold doesn't really listen to music) it became clear they were very much in need of some serious re-education. To that effect we have been looking at some seminal and quite frankly awesome bands and their albums. To cement their learning the children have been recreating album covers from three of the best!

4.5.20 The Dark Arts

Good morning one and all. We hope your weekend has been as relaxing and refreshing as ours, although I must say we are glad of a nice soothing start to the week after all that moonshining! What could be better than some nice therapeutic art and thanks to PeterAmanda Suddards for bringing this delightful outdoor drawing activity to our attention. As you can see the children have arranged two beautiful scenes and are busy tracing the shadow outlines to bring their masterpieces to life! Hopefully we can share with you the end results of their efforts, provisionally entitled Exterminate all Humans and Giant Atomic Lizard Megadeath.

1.5.20 Whisky Business

How-do y'all! Well gosh darnit if we 'aint happier than a tornado in a trailer park! Down here at the ole School o' Big Daddy, the young'uns are fixin' to mix a bit 'o play-acting with makin' a whole pile o' that moonshine - yessirree bob! They done got all gussied up in the right and proper clothing and are lookin' just as cute as a sack full of puppies. As ye can see, we gon' be 'bout as busy as a one legged cat in a sandbox with all these jars to fill with hooch. It's nearly the weekend and I got me a thirst on and a hankerin' fer some o' the good stuff and ye can bet yer britches it'll be granny-slappin' good!

30.4.20 Brand New Brand

Good morning everybody and welcome back to another day in the School of Daddy. As the weather has turned a little damp and grey we have decided to stay indoors and and stay cosy with the warm glow of the computer screen and the 2nd degree burns sustained in yesterday's experiment. The children have been mocking up some potential brand labels for our medicinal tonic and here are their efforts so far. Because we are keen to drive our marketing campaign with the most thumbstopping, digestible content, we would love to hear your feedback. Our brand experience needs to be hyper-relevant to today's consumer and we don't just want to focus on the customer's preference but the evolving context in which they make decisions. There needs to be an energising synergy where you experience the honesty, feel ​the​ personality and​ ​see the soul of our brand. We hope to work collaboratively and intentionally to build​ ​a brand​​ that ​isn’t​ afraid to make a statement​, stand out in ​its ​category, ​and​ most of all — move people.

29.4.20 What It All Boils Down To...

Today we are continuing our exciting learning journey in to the wonderful world of distilling hard liquor. The children have set up a prototype still and are wearing the appropriate PPE as it is indoors - safety first! We will of course also be holding a pre-emptive fire drill this morning... All being well we hope to extract a sufficient volume of aqua vitae from our raisin-based mash to begin investigating how much hooch will keep Daddy virus-free. To quote Benjamin Franklin, "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom and in water there is bacteria". Should our experiment be successful we will move to full scale production with a larger set up in the school grounds. We have yet to settle on a name and the children are also busy mocking up some brand concepts for your approval.

28.4.20 Cruisin' for a Boozin'

Today finds us back in the classroom and with a new and exciting project! The children have been tasked with researching, making, branding and bringing to market a new medicinal and entirely ethanol based beverage! Building on their prior knowledge of the life cycle of yeast and the invaluable byproducts it produces under certain circumstances, our pupils are hard at work deciding what kind of drink they might produce and what the potential health benefits might be. Some preliminary branding ideas have been mind-mapped and the children would certainly appreciate some consumer feedback. Potential names so far include Tequila Virus, What Ales You, In a Whole World of Champagne, A Brew to a Kill/Still, Raisin Hell, Ginocide, Still Death Do Us Part, Devil's in the Dettol and Anti-Bacchus. Thanks go to one of our school benefactors, Esther Draper for the inspiration for this latest project!

27.4.20 Unseen and Not Heard

Good morning and welcome back to the School of Daddy. We started bright and early today with a fun fieldcraft exercise - the Art of Not Being Seen. Camouflage and covert maneuvers are an invaluable life skill. This could come in the form of avoiding detection from local militia or government "Public Health" squads operating in your area, surveilling friends and neighbours flouting lockdown or more positive action such as preparing an ambush for any telecoms engineers attempting to install 5G disease towers in your locality. Please do comment if you have spotted the children or have any other feedback on their camouflage techniques.

24.4.20 A Shining Example

Having plundered the galleries of antiquity yesterday, we move to consider the art of the movie theatre today. For this morning's activity the children have been selecting their favourite films and recreating the iconic movie posters that heralded their release. Though many might consider it a more populist and hence lower form of art than the masterpieces of the Renaissance, it is no less striking and effective. The children are to be commended for their eye for composition, dynamism and drama in their reproductions. I'm sure you'll agree that, with regard to the issue of content, the optical suggestions of the facture makes resonant the essentially transitional quality.

23.4.20 Life Imitating Art

Good morning all and today in the School of Daddy we have been looking at Fine Art and composition. We usually pride ourselves in not falling prey to the vagaries of foolish internet crazes and similar fripperies, however we have seen the merit of the trend of people recreating classical works of art in their own homes. We are proud to invite you to the inaugural opening of our first art exhibition. The pieces have been chosen carefully for their artistic merit, cultural importance and technical achievement:

Necronom IV by Hans Rudolf Giger, 1976

Portrait de l'artiste sous les traits d'un moqueur by Joseph Ducreux, CA 1793

The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli, 1781